CS Lewis once said that the thing that most clearly separates Christianity from other world religions is the concept of Grace. That the Creator loves me, longs to forgive me, and has broken down every barrier to allow me to have a relationship with Him, even though I am sin-filled, jealous, petty and broken. That nothing I can ever do will be good enough to earn His forgiveness, so all He asks is that I simply look towards Him as the source of all that is good in my life.
Thank you Lord for this beautiful grace!
I'm talking about grace today, because our message on Sunday was all about grace (if you're interested you can go here to listen to it http://www.gatewaychurch.com/Portals/0/messages/Feb072010.mp3), it's only 31 minutes long, the recording starts late, so you don't hear them read John 3:16, but that's the simple truth that the pastor is talking about at the beginning.
Anyway, the message on Sunday brought a new truth and a new growth into my life. You see I have so much on the horizon, that I've really started to resent my job. It's a mindless job, in a corporate environment, doing something that I'm not really passionate about. Does what I do make a difference, yes. We teach people to appreciate those that work under them, we teach them to make changes not with force, but with encouragement and gratitude. But a large part of that difference is to make more money for corporations that are already insanely wealthy. Corporations that I believe are playing a huge role in the obesity of our nation, a huge roll in the degradation of food quality in America, and an even larger role in the negative influence of Western culture around the world, and the homogenization of American suburbs.
So as each new day rolls along I feel my soul being sucked out slowly (alright that might be a little melodramatic). I'm also struggling with a co-worker. Something about the way we communicate just rubs me the wrong way and I find myself constantly looking for the hidden insult behind her words. I don't know that she's always trying to insult me, but I do know that I'm always looking for it.
With medical school approaching, I have dreaded coming to work each day. I have woken up and reminded myself that God put me here for a reason, and that until my time in this office is over then I have a purpose here... I might not see it, but I have a purpose. I have prayed and asked the Lord to show me His purpose here. And everyday as the alarm goes off and I lie there dreading the start of another day, I ask God to give me just a little bit of grace. The honest truth is that none of this has made work the past few weeks any better...
That is until Sunday, somehow hearing about the beauty of God's grace, and juxtaposing that with my stinky attitude about work lately, has brought me full circle. Do I love my job, no. But I was able to come into work this morning feeling slightly more positive, as a result of my confessing my bad attitude to the Lord. When I stopped focusing on how much I hated being here, and just started focusing on what I was doing... then my head cleared and I actually had some great ideas for a project I was stumped on.
I still don't know what God has planned for my next 23 or 24 weeks here. But what I do know is that my attitude is what will determine how quickly or slowly they pass by. And because of that I'm thankful for grace, left to my own devices my attitude would almost always stink!