Thursday, December 31, 2009

My Preppy Decade... Or Looking Back as an Individual

For me personally this decade has been full of changes, and I'm definitely showing my age with this one. I graduated high school, moved away for college, and graduated college. I applied to medical school once, and was wait listed. Applied again, and was wait listed. Applied a third time and have been accepted. I learned to be persistent in reaching for my dreams, but I also learned to be flexible, to live in the moment even though I felt there was a bigger future ahead of me. 

I enjoyed and faced the end of two long term relationships in this decade. My heart broke, and I felt as though my world would end, and then I picked myself up brushed myself off and moved forward.

I moved from Wyoming, to Arkansas, to New York, to Florida, to Texas. I went from a small town girl, to a member of the workforce in Manhattan. I have worked as a receptionist, an academic assistant, a health club supervisor, a server, a cocktail waitress, an executive assistant for a stock firm, a merchandising development assistant for an interior designer, a dental practice manager, and now a client relations and marketing specialist for a technology firm. Each of the places I have lived, and each of the jobs I have held has shaped me and grown me into the person I am today.

I have taken on student loans, totaled a car, lost an appendix, bought my first car on my own, paid off my car, paid off a major amount of debt, had to replace my first vehicle and buy my second car on my own. 

I have trained for a marathon three times and never actually ran one. I have been faithful about exercising and health. I have been unfaithful about exercising and health. 

I have made bad decisions, and good decisions. I have learned to budget and manage my finances. I have learned to pay off debt, and understand how my credit rating works. I have learned how deep my inner strength runs. I have learned that I am resilient, that I will find a way to work through even the hardest challenges.

I have felt ashamed of myself, felt isolated from the church, and my relationship with the Lord. I have been reminded that I can never stray so far that God won't still love me. I have been restored in my faith, and brought close to my Savior again. I have remembered that without faith, I am only partially whole.

Wow... this decade as been full of a lot. A lot of heartache and loneliness, but also a lot of Joy and accomplishment. I have gone from being a young girl, to being a woman. From being a child to being an adult. Thinking back to what I would have wanted for myself when I was in high school ... I don't know that I would have ever imagined things to be this way. I had dreamt of making it to the big city, but never actually thought I would. I had dreamt of making it into medical school, but had no idea how taxing that journey would be, or how amazing it would feel when I finally got the acceptance letter. There are things I said I would never do, that I've done... and been ashamed of. But the reality is that I've learned not to lose myself in those moments. Those times when I've the very worst version of myself, are not the end all and be all of my existence, just a momentary stop on this journey forward. Overall, I think the high school me would be proud of the person I am today. She'd be shocked at what it took to get me here (and I'm glad I didn't know then, how hard some things in my future would be), but she would, and I do feel a great sense of accomplishment in who I've become and what I've done in the past decade.

I'm thankful that I've learned in new and amazing ways that God is faithful always standing by my side. He's gracious and forgiving, and that He always has a plan. I'm also glad that I've learned that I don't need to see His plan, but I just need to trust and to be faithful daily and His plan becomes apparent. I know that seems like it is common sense, but it's taken me a decade to learn it!

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